Pink Slip

I recently found myself in a seemingly endless back-and-forth with the state. As these things go, this case was mild. It was the DMV. But as it was happening, and as I kept finding new hurdles, I kept thinking "I'm going to write about this when it's over. Not before it's over, because that might jinx it or make it worse. But afterwards." So here goes.

Disclaimer: I realize bitching about the DMV is well traveled territory. And everyone I actually talked with was nice, and reasonably competent (some more than others). And in defense of the DMV, it normally probably does not take seven months, countless back-and-forth documents, and more than half a dozen in-person visits to field offices to change the name on the registration of a car. 

Let me digress.

In Holland, where I lived as a kid, their equivalent of the DMV (CBR) is notorious for its brutality and inefficiency. It routinely takes months (if not years, as in my niece's case), and thousands of euros through a collaborative racket between them and the driver's ed instructors, just to get your license. Maybe it's a well-intentioned stall tactic to save Europe from even more Dutch people pulling their camper trailers ("caravans", as they call them, which seems an appropriate misnomer) to campsites wide and far.

But at the time it was moot to me because I wasn't old enough to drive when I lived there. 

When I moved to Texas, still too young to drive in Holland, my interaction with the Department of Public Safety (their equivalent of the DMV) took about 20 minutes total. It did take two visits to the DPS but both visits took less than 10 minutes. 

The first time, they told me "No, you cannot take a driving test in a car with a broken windshield," which in hindsight seems reasonable given that the windshield had a caved-in divot a foot wide shaped like a large rock. It was unfortunate that Norwood's 280Z got vandalized with said rock the night before when we were hanging out at the Blue Hole, which is a scenic lagoon bordered by limestone cliffs along the South Fork of the San Gabriel River, not a sketchy gay bar like its name suggests. Norwood is pretty chill, and he thought it was fine to lend his wheels to someone who didn't have a license and whom he'd known for only a week or two. He didn't change his mind after the rock, nor did either of us anticipate that this might be a problem taking the driving test at the DPS. 

The second time, they made me drive around the block and gave me my first driver's license. 

In the 40-some years since then, my visits to the California Department of Motor Vehicles have not been as efficient, but by and large tolerable. It's a matter of expectations. Like going to the emergency room, you assume it's going to take forever, so bring a book and wait it out. In the ER, of course, boring is good—the last thing you want is being their highest priority. The two times I was helped within 10 seconds of entering an ER were both VERY bad. 

At the DMV, I can't imagine what would make a case urgent, and neither can they. 

So as I said, I needed to transfer the title for my new (used) car. From the State of California website (5/22/2024):

"We don’t want our customers to have to wait for service, and they don’t have to,” said DMV Director Steve Gordon. “The DMV is becoming a mobile-first operation... Just go online. It will save you time, and it will save time for the Californians in our offices who need to be there."

I did just that. I can say now that it did NOT save time, for me nor for the Californians who were waiting behind me as I was trying to get it all straightened out.

The process sounded so simple. It said we needed:

• The Certificate of Title (the so-called pink slip)
• The signature of the seller
• The signature of the buyer
• A transfer fee
• A smog check
• Depending on the type of transfer, you might need to complete and submit additional forms. (Note that this sounds innocuous, probably nothing that applies to you)

Being reasonably capable people, we had all those, and assumed the last bullet was for special cases, not us. Here is how the process is supposed to work:

1. Previous owner smogs the car (certificate is uploaded to DMV automatically)
2. Both previous and new owner fill out the back of the pink slip and sign it
3. New owner goes online, fills out form, pays $15, sends pink slip to Sacramento
4. DMV sends new pink slip to new owner

I made the mistake of taking them at their word ("You can now transfer a title online. Learn more about the steps and get started") instead of listening to my friends and going in. And then I threw a wrench, and we ended up in a Kafkaesque back and forth.

Expecting that I could handle this straightforward process and save myself a couple of hours at the DMV field office, I filled out the online form, and started entering the mileage on the pink slip . 

Whoops. The wrench. 

Here is what actually happened (shortened because otherwise you might be more bored):

1. Previous owner could not find pink slip and requests a new one
2. Previous owner smogs the car
3. (6/18/20) Previous owner and new owner fill out the back of the (new) pink slip and sign it. In doing so, new owner commits the mortal sin of starting the five-digit current mileage in the slot reserved for the 100,000s. Corrections and strike-throughs are not allowed.
• This was the first, and worst mistake, and all mine. If I hadn't screwed up the mileage on the pink slip, it would probably have been done much more quickly.
4. (6/20/24) New owner went online, fills out the form, pays $15
• This was the second, and almost equally bad, mistake. For anything other than paying your annual registration renewal, do it in person, at AAA or at a DMV field office.
5. (6/20/24) DMV says it requires a Statement of facts (Reg 256) and original pink slip 
6. (6/20/24) New owner files the Reg 256 online 
7. (6/20/24) New owner optimistically follows online instructions and sends the pink slip to Sacramento, thinking that would be that
8. (6/27/24) DMV Virtual Field Office acknowledges receipt of Reg 256 and pink slip, but says now a Reg 262 is required. 
• I quote: "There can not be any errors in the odometer section on the title like the white out or the alteration on the actual numbers. You and your friend that gave you the vehicle need to complete. The forms are not available online so you would need to go to a field office and get one from the lobby or we can mail one if you would like."
9. (6/28/24) New owner goes to AAA hoping they will have the Reg 262. They do not. 
10. (6/28/24) New owner goes to Santa Clara DMV, picks up the Reg 262 and a slew of other potentially relevant forms, fills them out and gets previous owner to sign as well
11. (7/8/24) Mail arrives from DMV. It's the original pink slip (the one I previously mailed in, after screwing it up) and a long explanation of all the things that were wrong with it and all the documents now required. 
• Please send the original documents, with "wet signatures", to this PO box in Sacramento
12. (7/8/24) New owner mails pink slip and (what he thought were) required forms to said PO Box in Sacramento.
• This was the third mistake, in retrospect. Once I had the pink slip in my possession, I could have actually completed the process in a field office.
13. (8/1/24) DMV status checker says a Reg 101 is now required to explain all the previous steps.
14. (8/1/24) New owner files the Reg 101.
15. (8/7/24) DMV virtual field office sends reminder that original documents as well as a Reg 101 are required and that the title transfer cannot be processed until those are received.
16. (8/8/24) New owner, somewhat exasperated, goes to Santa Clara DMV field office, waits an hour, explains to the clerk that title transfer seems to be in limbo, clerk checks computer and agrees but says they cannot do anything until Sacramento receives and processes the paperwork. Clerk takes physical copy of Reg 101 (even though this is not required), adds it to the file, and says nothing else is required, just wait.
17. (8/9/24) New owner replies to DMV virtual field office all this, and asks if anything else is required.
18. (8/16/24) DMV replies to this email.
• I quote: "On our record from Sacramento ( 07/30/24 ), were waiting for the original error statement. The original  will be mail back to you. Once receive, please attach the original error statement document. mail it back to the Virtual Field Office address." [sic]
19. (8/23/24) New owner calls DMV. Waits. Waits some more. DMV (very capable person) calls back, explains that there is a big mail backlog, wait about six weeks and see what happens. 
20. (10/30/24) DMV Field Office Appointment - Los Gatos. "Sorry we cannot do anything without the pink slip. Do you have it?" "I mailed it to Sacramento" "Well you have to wait until they receive it, then send it back to you, then you can come back." "When do you think that will be?" "Probably January, they have a big backlog"
21. (1/8/25). New owner calls DMV. Waits. Waits some more. DMV (very capable person) calls back, explains that they just took action on my case on 1/2/25 and title will be mailed back to me with instructions. 
• Capable DMV person on the phone strongly suggests NOT mailing anything to Sacramento but resolving the case in a field office, once I receive the pink slip for the third time. 
22. (1/15/25) Mail from DMV including pink slip (the original one with the mileage I screwed up), some other papers, saying it's still not done. They need clarification on the purchase price.
23. (1/17/25) DMV Field Office Appointment - Los Gatos. 
• They require me to put the purchase price on yet another form. I have the form. 
• Then they say "where is the Reg 262?" "I mailed it to Sacramento" "They were supposed to mail it back with the title, that way nothing can get lost" "They didn't" "OK I guess it did get lost. You have to get a new one." (this is the one for which copies are not allowed)
24. (1/20/25) Previous owner, again, signs the Reg 262.
25. (1/22/25) DMV Field Office Appointment - Los Gatos
• They require me to write the purchase price in yet another spot. They also want me to write the same thing on yet another Reg 101 (in addition to the several I have already filed).
• "Looks like today might be the day!!" "Indeed, this may be it... oh wait -- did you get the car smogged?" "Yes, when I started all this, in June" [I happen to have my very thick folder of documentation with me, and find the proof of having gotten it smogged] 
• Prints out valid registration that has my name on it. Victory!!
26. (2/1/25) Receive new pink slip, in my name
27. (2/3/25) Receive bill for next year's registration renewal 
• (phew, process completed two days before the buzzer)

So, the moral of this story (for those who had the patience and empathy to make it all the way to the end and are hoping for anything other than the vaguely exhausted sense of relief that at least it is over:

• Woe to those who make a mistake on a DMV form
• I don't know where the virtual field office is located, but it would surprise me if it's actually in Sacramento. Their mail backlog is something like 120 days.
• If it is in Sacramento, I don't think it's staffed by the shining stars of the DMV. Those shining stars are the ones returning phone calls. A few are in the field offices. 
• Don't try to wing it. Go talk to them if it's even vaguely confusing or complicated
• If you go to the DMV field office, just bring a book (and a mask - it's crowded) and wait it out